He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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