Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize