If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
