Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize