eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
