I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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