he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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