I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
