Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
