if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
