I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
