somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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