we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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