omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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