i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
