So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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