she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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