We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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