It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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