Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
