you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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