In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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