...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
