the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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