is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hippo gnu deer
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
