i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
