Can i not drive my cunt home
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize