Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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