I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you traded sex for a burrito?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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