That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
