i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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