Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize