I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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