I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
