Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
