Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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