well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
