haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
