Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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