Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
