I molested 6 butterflies tonight
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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