Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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