You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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