my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
