Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
