Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
