half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
