"it" just moved
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
