I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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