She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize