You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
