Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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