just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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