You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
