I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
