my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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