i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
