I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
