it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
