I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
