he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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