y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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