dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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