I bet he comes in French.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
