Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
