You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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