this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
These tits shall not be calmed
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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