your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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