You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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