I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
