Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
