Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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