why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
