Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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