If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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