I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
