I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
