Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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