Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
