He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
