I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
