im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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